make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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