Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
