I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I touched a dick in church today
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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