im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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