Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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