and you said cock pushups were impossible
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This house was built for laser tag.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
