I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
