You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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