I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
