So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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