I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
im holly from the hills drunk
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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