My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
