Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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