my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
