just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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