I need to stop coming to work sober
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
