God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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