i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
