Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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