I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
