Duck Duck Cougar?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
