Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
