I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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