its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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