I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
