Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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