first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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