she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
