Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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