Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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