You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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