I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
