everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
