Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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