it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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