dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
