dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
