He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
