I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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