Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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