my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sober January is a disaster.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
