Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
