He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
