nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
