Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
