I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
