He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
