Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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