Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
