She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
