i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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