At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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