I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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