I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
