Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
