I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
