What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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